Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Club for the socially anxious - one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:


  • I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.

  • I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.

  • I try to think of a few interesting things to say.

  • I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.

At the Party

  • I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.

  • Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

  • I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.

  • I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.

  • I have nothing to say.

  • If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

  • I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.

  • When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.

  • When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

  • I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

  • It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.

  • I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!

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