Fear Anger Panic and Rage - not the best day!

Some days are good days, some days feel really bad!

Today I am angry, anxious, fearful and panicky for no reason I am aware of.

I took a hot shower for a full 70 minutes in an attempt to blast out the anxiety and panic and rage that is exploding from me. It didn't work.

I am tired of losing good days to fear. I need some kind of help to get myself back. I don't want to waste my life afraid to do anything. Agoraphobia, panic attacks, anxiety - who needs them?

Now self disgust, guilt and saddness are waiting for me.

What is wrong with me I have to wonder. Why does this happen?


Sorry I don't want to bring others down - just venting I guess :(

Agoraphobia - what does it feel like?

Most people think that agoraphobia is "fear of the marketplace" because that is the pure translation of its root words.

Agoraphobia often does cause those who have it to stay away from crowded places and linger close to home. But the driving cause is usually fear of having a panic attack - especially somewhere far from help or where escape would be difficult.

Panic attacks are distressing experiences. Most people report having a rapid pounding heartbeat, dizziness, extreme anxiety and paralyzing sense of doom.

For some these symptoms come out of nowhere - for others there are specific triggers - often related to where previous experiences of panic have occurred.

The key to recovery is to learn to not fear the panic but to go with it.

Have you had success with beating agoraphobia? What did you do?

Worry, Fear and Panic - Stop Avoiding the Things You Love

Part of the reason that I am anxious socially is that I feel as though I have nothing to share with others, because I avoid so many situations I basically don't do much of anything these days.

I am reading about how to change that and let go of my fears and anxieties so that I can actually do something with my life. I am now realizing that I need to do those things anyway - you know the saying (and book title) "feel the fear and do it anyway"?

I cannot just wait until I feel no fear to go ahead and try something. Fear and anxiety are part of everyone's lives. I just need to push up against anxiety and not let it control me.

The following quote is from Women Who Worry Too Much, by Holly Hazlett-Stevens, PhD.
I have found it to be very motivational and want to share it with you too.

If you avoid certain situations because you’re worried about the outcome, you never get to learn what would have happened if you had faced thosesituations. You deprive yourself of the chance to see how you would have coped.

When you decide to avoid, you experience a temporary state of relief, but you’re also left feeling powerless and deflated, as if you can’t control your own behavior. Eventually you become discouraged and disheartened as a vague sense of feeling paralyzed sets in.

This is how avoidance slowly eats away your self-confidence over time. Push yourself to feel vulnerable – this allows you to learn that you can handle whatever happens, and that even the most difficult of emotions can’t destroy you.

We’re all capable of feeling intense fear so we can escape life-threatening situations. But usually people avoid things that simply make them feel uncomfortable.

I will be putting this up on my fridge where I can see it everyday :)

Club for the socially anxious - one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:

Preparation

• I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.


• I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.


• I try to think of a few interesting things to say.


• I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.
  

At the Party

• I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.


• Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

• I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.


• I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.
  

• I have nothing to say.


• If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

• I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.


• When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.
  


• When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

• I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

• It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.


• I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!

My Side Of Paradise

I have always had a love for horses. A connection, an awe, an intense wonder.

I love to just sit and watch them in the pasture grazing and swishing their tails. I love the sound of their hooves pounding on the grass as they run and buck as a storm rolls in.

The way they interact with each other, their intelligence, and the unique character each one has.

The curve of their necks and the set of their clean jawlines, flowing manes and flaring nostrils, and beautiful deep eyes.

But they are also bold, and strong, and spirited and sometimes easily frightened.

Many people say that horses are adept at mirroring who we are and how we are feeling at a particular moment. I am finding that I am learning to use this as a means of understanding my own fears and anxiety.

These beautiful creatures are helping me to gain emotional control and to confront and work through my fears, anxiety and panic.