Conversation Starters For The Socially Anxious

I received a great deal of help with ideas for how a person with social anxiety can start and maintain conversations at parties for instance.

Here are some of the conversation starter tips I received. They are good - these may come in handy.

Start with :
Hi, I’m Lauren, nice to meet you.

Then follow up with any of these:

How was your day?
What funny weather we’ve been having.
What do you think about (Mention an recent newsworthy trend or topic in the news) (not political or religious please)
Do you know many people here?
Have you been here before?
Did you have to travel far?
Where do you work? How long have you worked there?

Keeping the conversation going after that with topics like these:

What TV shows are you into watching?
Seen any great movies lately?
Read any great books lately?
What’s your favourite hobby?
What type of music do you like?
How do you typically enjoy the weekends?
What sports do you play or follow?
I like your tie/dress/jacket/handbag or other item

It is of course helpful to share about your self as well on any of the above topics. Share your favorite movie or your view on a recent news item, or a hobby you love. You don't want to hold a one way interview!

Further getting to know you questions can include:

What reality show would you go on and why?
Have you travelled much? Which country would you like to visit?
If you could pick any 5 famous people to attend a dinner party you would host who would you pick?
If your life was made into a movie, what would it be called?
If you decided to author a book, what would you write about?
If you were in charge of the world what are the 3 changes you would make?
Who is the most famous person you have met?
What’s the one movie you could watch again and again?
What is your favorite thing to have for breakfast?
What was your first job, and what was it like?
Are you a cat person or a dog person?

Other ideas to follow with after you have been in conversation and there is an uncomfortable lull or silence.

Acknowledge the silence and feeling of awkwardness - "wow I feel really awkward meeting new people and find myself not knowing what to say" (this can endear you to people by being so honest and vulnerable and may start a sharing on the other person part too)

Also see these great tips

More to come...

Where is My "Stop Anxiety At the Party" Plan?

Yikes!

I have just realized that the party I mentioned getting so ultra confident for is coming up pretty quick! Remember how I want to go and not be plagued by anxiety constantly like I usually am?

I am not anywhere near prepared!

I have got to get into high gear with great conversation topics and strategies and ways to relax and BE ME while I am at the party.

This is time to research and get advice.

I will post everything I find out here --- everything I am able to find out from popular party divas and hostesses and from plain old research.

Please send me advice.

How do you stay relaxed in social settings, how to you speak to others so that you hold their attention, how do I meet new people with ease and not go into complete panic if I have no one to talk to for a few minutes....

Club for the socially anxious - one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:

Preparation

• I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.


• I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.


• I try to think of a few interesting things to say.


• I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.
  

At the Party

• I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.


• Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

• I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.


• I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.
  

• I have nothing to say.


• If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

• I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.


• When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.
  


• When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

• I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

• It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.


• I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!

Social Phobia and Parties

Another party disaster.

My friend Jana had a house warming party at her place.

There were a few people I recognized. I thought I would be ok to talk and enjoy myself.

I deliberately came late thinking that I wouldn't be anxious about people looking at me when I came in the room if the party was already in full swing.

Coming in the door, Jana and her husband welcomed me and offered me a gin and tonic, showed me where the food was and said they were so happy to see me.

"How are things going with you? " Jana asked.

"Oh great!" I said smiling. "I love your new house!" I replied smiling.

"Thanks very much" said Jana "We are enjoying it"

"Yes it's such a nice neighborhood - you must be very happy here" (me)

Then as this conversation dwindled the doorbell rang again and Jana had to leave to greet new guests.

Anxiety Takes Over

I was suddenly alone and vulnerable - standing there clutching my drink.

Sipping, glancing around, sipping, glancing around, smile at no one in particular. Sip. Sip.

Deep inside I start to panic. I just got here. I have no one to talk to. I can't leave yet and this party is going to be going on for the rest of the evening.

Ideas flood my head:

• I could suddenly leave saying I had just been struck with an intense migraine headache.
• I could excuse myself saying that I had just gotten an emergency call on my cell that my elderly mother was in the hospital.
• I could go to the washroom for a few minutes to check my hair and makeup and hope things will change when I come out.
• I could go to the food table and try to mingle with anyone else who is there.

I decided on the last option. It was more "normal" and at least it bought me a little time.

I walk slowly to the food table with what I hope is a friendly, relaxed, casual, interesting and very friendly look on my face.

I take a plate, and chat with the person next to me "Wow doesn't this look good?" (me) "Yes she's such a good cook isn't she? (them)

Then I remember something I think people suggest you say at parties where you don't know anyone.

"And how do you know Jana?"

"I'm her sister" she replies.

"Oh wow , nice, very nice to meet you"

"Yes you too" She smiles kindly and excuses herself and moves away to carry food plates back to her husband.

I am alone again. My heart is racing, I feel like I might pass out, I need to calm down and relax. Social anxiety has it's ice cold grip on me.

The room seems to be filled with people laughing, singing, talking and having fun. They all seem to know each other.

A roar of laughter erupts across the room. These people were having a fun time they would be talking about for days.

Why can't I be like that?

I have issues with social anxiety.

Gotta get this cured.