Things Agoraphobia Stole From Her

I am reflecting today about how agoraphobia can affect lives, in particular that of my good friend Lena and the things she has missed out on due to having this condition.

You won't be surprised that being afraid to leave your house limits your lifestyle. Lena missed our senior prom in high school because she was worried she would make a fool of herself because she had just a panic attack at school.

She stayed away from prom and she basically pulled away from life after that. Yes, she applied for jobs by submitting her resume on line but she never went to interviews. By the fall after graduation she had experienced so many panic attacks she didn't want to go anywhere.

The more she stayed in the worse things got. She became more fearful, more nervous and more alone.

Lena eventually went to a therapist and got on a treatment program, but she dropped out of treatment.

Years later she rarely ventures out of her safe place - her home. We talk on the phone or I sometimes come over but she really doesn't have much to talk about but whatever is on the news on TV.

Truthfully I feel afraid seeing her - I don't like to visit with her because it scares me how little of her life is actually left. She is still so young but her life is going nowhere - not much past her front door step.

Agoraphobia keeps her hiding inside.

Fear Anger Panic and Rage - not the best day!

Some days are good days, some days feel really bad!

Today I am angry, anxious, fearful and panicky for no reason I am aware of.

I took a hot shower for a full 70 minutes in an attempt to blast out the anxiety and panic and rage that is exploding from me. It didn't work.

I am tired of losing good days to fear. I need some kind of help to get myself back. I don't want to waste my life afraid to do anything. Agoraphobia, panic attacks, anxiety - who needs them?

Now self disgust, guilt and saddness are waiting for me.

What is wrong with me I have to wonder. Why does this happen?


Sorry I don't want to bring others down - just venting I guess :(

Conversation Starters For The Socially Anxious

I received a great deal of help with ideas for how a person with social anxiety can start and maintain conversations at parties for instance.

Here are some of the conversation starter tips I received. They are good - these may come in handy.

Start with :
Hi, I’m Lauren, nice to meet you.

Then follow up with any of these:

How was your day?
What funny weather we’ve been having.
What do you think about (Mention an recent newsworthy trend or topic in the news) (not political or religious please)
Do you know many people here?
Have you been here before?
Did you have to travel far?
Where do you work? How long have you worked there?

Keeping the conversation going after that with topics like these:

What TV shows are you into watching?
Seen any great movies lately?
Read any great books lately?
What’s your favourite hobby?
What type of music do you like?
How do you typically enjoy the weekends?
What sports do you play or follow?
I like your tie/dress/jacket/handbag or other item

It is of course helpful to share about your self as well on any of the above topics. Share your favorite movie or your view on a recent news item, or a hobby you love. You don't want to hold a one way interview!

Further getting to know you questions can include:

What reality show would you go on and why?
Have you travelled much? Which country would you like to visit?
If you could pick any 5 famous people to attend a dinner party you would host who would you pick?
If your life was made into a movie, what would it be called?
If you decided to author a book, what would you write about?
If you were in charge of the world what are the 3 changes you would make?
Who is the most famous person you have met?
What’s the one movie you could watch again and again?
What is your favorite thing to have for breakfast?
What was your first job, and what was it like?
Are you a cat person or a dog person?

Other ideas to follow with after you have been in conversation and there is an uncomfortable lull or silence.

Acknowledge the silence and feeling of awkwardness - "wow I feel really awkward meeting new people and find myself not knowing what to say" (this can endear you to people by being so honest and vulnerable and may start a sharing on the other person part too)

Also see these great tips

More to come...

Agoraphobia - what does it feel like?

Most people think that agoraphobia is "fear of the marketplace" because that is the pure translation of its root words.

Agoraphobia often does cause those who have it to stay away from crowded places and linger close to home. But the driving cause is usually fear of having a panic attack - especially somewhere far from help or where escape would be difficult.

Panic attacks are distressing experiences. Most people report having a rapid pounding heartbeat, dizziness, extreme anxiety and paralyzing sense of doom.

For some these symptoms come out of nowhere - for others there are specific triggers - often related to where previous experiences of panic have occurred.

The key to recovery is to learn to not fear the panic but to go with it.

Have you had success with beating agoraphobia? What did you do?

How To Become An Exciting Person - Part 2

I have been doing a little research on this topic since I last posted, searching the internet for ideas, asking regular people for their opinions and seeking out expert scientific studies.

I have found so much information that I will need to write not just this "part 2" but also several more sequels to the whole story! This is good news for those of us who are socially phobia, insecure, or feeling just plain boring!

A great place to start was in defining the goal -- what exactly is an exciting person?

Here is a summary of what I found.

An exciting person:

• is someone who is not just enjoyable to be around but someone you really look forward to seeing


• always has something interesting to talk about


• whatever they talk about they seem to do with passion


• always seems to have many things on the go in their lives


• is confident


• is interested in you too!


• draws you into their feelings of excitement


• is adventurous


• has stories to tell that are captivating


• has a passion for something


• sometimes has a great sense of humor


• initiates activities and get others interested in joining in


• is bold and not afraid to express their opinion


• is unique


• is proud of themselves but also vulnerable


• connects with others


• is someone you wish you could be like


• always has something to say that isn't boring and listens too


• has lots of friends


• spends time doing things with others


• doesn't seem to worry too much about what others think


• knows everyone around them either loves them or will once they get to know them


• inspires others


• some who lights up the room when they enter


• is happy


• is optimistic


• the party doesn't start until they arrive

These came from a wide variety of sources, but together they paint quite a picture. It also shows I have a long way to go. But at least I know where I want to be.

And yes all you exciting people who happen to be reading this list and cringing - I do know that just by the fact that I am making this list and am so pitiful for actually having to make this list that I have excluded myself from the realms of the exciting -- but not for long -- just wait! LOL